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I was speaking with a coaching client recently who shared something that really stuck with me.
They’d been having a tough week at work — navigating fertility treatment while trying to keep everything together — and found it especially hard listening to colleagues vent about their kids. Comments like “I’d do anything for a night off from parenting” or “My kids are driving me mad!” were coming up regularly in conversation.
And while those comments weren’t said with any ill intent, they hit hard.
Because when you’re going through fertility treatment, and all you want is to be a parent, those offhand remarks can feel like salt in the wound.
It’s a powerful reminder that we often don’t know what people around us are going through.
Infertility. Baby loss. Grief. Anxiety. Relationship breakdowns. Health concerns. Care responsibilities. There are so many things people carry quietly while showing up and doing their best.
That coaching conversation reminded me just how important it is to be mindful — especially in the spaces where people might not feel able to speak up or explain what they’re going through.
Let me be clear — this isn’t about making people feel like they can’t talk about their lives. Parenting is hard, and we all need space to be open and honest. But it’s about tuning in to the moment and asking:
Is this the right time or space for this?
Do I know if someone here might be going through something difficult?
Can I check in with people and open space for them too?
A little pause for reflection can go a long way.
Being thoughtful doesn’t mean you need to know all the right things to say — it just means leading with kindness. Here are a few simple ways to bring that into daily life:
Pause before you share. If you're about to vent about something — kids, pregnancy, relationships — take a second to think about who’s around you. Is this a safe space? Will this land gently?
Include everyone. If you’re in a group, try to notice who hasn’t spoken. Fertility struggles, grief, or mental health challenges can make people withdraw. Just checking in privately can make someone feel seen.
Use sensitivity around life milestones. Things like baby showers, birthday cards, pregnancy announcements — they’re wonderful for many, but painful for some. A gentle message like “I know this might be a tough one – I see you” can be such a comfort.
Don’t assume what’s easy for you is easy for others. Comments like “We weren’t even trying!” or “You’ll understand when you’re a parent” can unintentionally alienate or hurt.
Model compassion. The more we speak with empathy, the more others feel able to do the same.
When we start thinking more thoughtfully about the people around us, we help create spaces that feel safer, more compassionate, and more inclusive — especially for those who are carrying hidden pain.
You don’t have to say the perfect thing. Just try to do the kind thing.
Because we never truly know what someone is holding quietly inside. And a little bit of awareness can go such a long way.
When you first start IVF, you imagine it’ll be full of hope and a team of people helping you move closer to your dream of having a baby. And while that’s true, what most people don’t talk about is how IVF can slowly chip away at your sense of dignity.