I recently finished listening to an amazing session from the Fertility Show Online Summit on fertility and baby loss.
Something they said really resonated with me. There was a question from one of the listeners about whether it is ok to grieve after a negative test result after IVF.
They were saying that of course its ok to grieve, that after having your embryo transfer you leave the clinic pregnant until proven otherwise, so in that respect, you have had a miscarriage and your grief is just as valid.
After our failed IVF cycle I was devastated, and I couldn’t explain or understand why I felt so sad about something that I’d never had - IVF was never guaranteed, I hadn’t had a positive test result and everyone was expecting me to just carry on as normal.
But emotionally I was devastated, I may not have had anything physically to show I was pregnant, but in my head I’d already imagined getting the positive result, telling our families, when my due date would be and the future we would all have together. I was already feeling protective of that embryo inside me, willing it to stick and thinking that I could soon be experiencing the joy of being pregnant.
I realise now that my grief was completely valid, I was grieving for the hope of the future that embryo gave us, grieving for all the difficult years/procedures/heartbreak I’d been through just to get to that point, I was grieving for the fact that I would have to go through it all again to get another chance of that positive result and grieving for the fact that my life may never include being a mum.
This morning’s session was so validating and I wanted to share that with you in case you were also feeling that you couldn’t or should be grieving for your embryos. You’re perfectly within your rights to grieve, and please seek support for it if you are struggling xx
If someone you know and love is struggling to get pregnant or is going through IVF, there are lots of little ways you can help them this Christmas that will make a big difference to how they feel this Christmas time. They will really appreciate the fact you care and want to support them.
It is so important at this time of year to focus on self-care and the things you do have, rather than the things you don’t. It is easier to cope with things when you are feeling stronger emotionally and taking care of yourself.