Coping as a Couple During Fertility Treatment: Staying Connected

Valentine’s Day is often filled with messages of love, romance, and celebration - but if you and your partner are navigating fertility treatment, this time of year can bring up a mix of emotions.

You might feel distant from each other, weighed down by stress, or struggling with the pressure that infertility can put on a relationship.

If this resonates with you, you’re not alone. IVF and fertility struggles can be tough on even the strongest couples, but they can also bring you closer if you find ways to support each other.

Here are some ways to stay connected, communicate openly, and protect your relationship during this journey.

Keep talking - even when it’s hard

IVF can bring up so many emotions - hope, fear, frustration, grief - and you might find that you and your partner process things differently. Some people need to talk things through, while others shut down or distract themselves. 

Try this: Make time for open conversations where you both feel safe sharing. Instead of assuming what the other person is feeling, ask: “How are you coping with everything?”  “What’s been hardest for you lately?”, “How can I support you right now?” You don’t have to have all the answers - you just need to be there for each other.

Remember you’re a team

It’s easy to feel like fertility struggles are something happening to you rather than with you. The stress, the waiting, the appointments - it can feel overwhelming. But remind yourselves: You’re in this together. 

Instead of focusing on the problem, try shifting your mindset to: 

• "How can we face this challenge as a team?"
• "What can we do to make this process easier for each other?"

Small acts of kindness - leaving a note, making a favourite meal, or simply holding hands - can reinforce that you’re not alone in this. 

Acknowledge that you might cope differently

One of the most common struggles couples face during fertility treatment is coping in different ways. 

• One partner might want to talk about every detail, while the other prefers to distract themselves. 
• One might feel hopeful, while the other is bracing for disappointment. 
• One might feel guilty, while the other feels frustrated. 

Try this: Instead of expecting each other to react the same way, talk about what you both need. Saying, “I know we handle this differently, but I love you, and I want to support you in the way that works best for you” can make a huge difference. 

Protect your relationship from IVF taking over

When you’re going through treatment, it can feel like every conversation, every plan, and every thought revolves around IVF. While it’s a huge part of your life right now, it doesn’t have to define your entire relationship. 

Try this:

• Have one IVF-free day a week where you don’t talk about treatment at all.
• Do something fun together that has nothing to do with fertility - a movie night, a walk, a new activity.
• Remind yourselves what you love about each other outside of this journey. IVF is something you’re going through, but it isn’t who you are as a couple. 

Make Time for Romance

Even in the middle of IVF -  With all the stress, timed intercourse, and medical focus on your body, it’s normal for intimacy to take a hit. But your relationship is more than just trying for a baby.

Try this:

• Plan a Valentine’s date - even if it’s just a cosy night in with your favourite takeaway. 
• Surprise each other with little gestures of love.
• Focus on emotional intimacy - hugging, laughing, holding hands - all of which strengthen your connection.

It’s okay if things feel different right now. Be patient with yourselves, and remember: your infertility doesn't define you as a couple, your love for each other does.

Fertility treatment can be one of the biggest challenges you’ll face as a couple, but it can also bring a deeper level of love, understanding, and strength.

The key is to keep showing up for each other - in the good moments and the tough ones.

So, be kind to yourselves, be kind to each other, and remember that you’re in this together.

If you’re looking for more tools and activities to help you and your partner navigate fertility treatment together, my IVF Positivity Planner is designed to support you both through every step. It includes guided exercises, journaling prompts, coping strategies, and ways to strengthen your relationship during this journey.

Ready to take control and feel more supported? Click here to get your copy