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When you first start IVF, you might imagine it’ll be full of hope, careful monitoring, and a team of people helping you move closer to your dream of having a baby. And while that’s true in many ways, what most people don’t talk about is how IVF can slowly chip away at your sense of dignity.
From the endless scans, injections, and intimate procedures, to being asked deeply personal questions in clinical settings — it can often feel like your body stops being your own. You might find yourself lying on a table with a stranger doing something deeply invasive, or talking about your sex life, your periods, or your bowel habits like it’s completely normal… even though inside, you feel exposed and vulnerable.
IVF often means handing over control — of your body, your emotions, and your plans.
You’re told when to inject, when to come in for a scan, when to have sex or abstain, when to test, when to rest. It can leave you feeling like a passenger in your own life.
And there’s the emotional side, too. Being told results in a corridor. Having to rush from tears in the waiting room straight into work. Sitting half-dressed while a sonographer quietly types notes. These small moments add up, leaving you feeling unseen as a person — like you’ve become just a patient, not you.
If this sounds familiar, please know: you’re not alone, and it’s not your fault. The process itself can make anyone feel this way. But there are ways to take back a sense of control, confidence and dignity during your IVF journey.
Set boundaries where you can
It’s okay to ask for a moment before or after a procedure. It’s okay to say you’d prefer to see a particular member of staff, or to have your partner present. You deserve to feel comfortable, respected and safe.
Use your voice
If something doesn’t feel right - whether it’s the way information is delivered or the way you’re spoken to - speak up. You don’t have to apologise for asking for kindness or clarity. You have every right to be heard.
Prepare questions in advance
Appointments can feel rushed, and it’s easy to forget what you wanted to ask. Writing down your questions beforehand helps you feel more in control — and it’s a small but powerful way to take back ownership of your care.
Take control of what you can outside the clinic
Plan small things that help you feel grounded — choosing what you wear to appointments, having a comfort item with you, or scheduling time to rest afterwards. These moments help you reconnect with yourself beyond the treatment.
Give yourself permission to feel
It’s okay to cry. To feel angry, embarrassed or frustrated. Acknowledging those feelings is part of protecting your dignity — because it means you’re recognising your humanity in a process that can often make you feel like a number.
Lean on support that understands
Talking to others who’ve been through it can be hugely validating. Whether that’s a support group, a friend, or a fertility coach — it helps to know you’re not the only one who’s found parts of IVF undignified or dehumanising.
IVF asks so much of you — physically, emotionally and mentally. You’re showing incredible strength by getting through each day of it. Remember: it’s not a sign of weakness to feel stripped bare by it all — it’s a completely human response to an incredibly tough process.
So take a breath. Give yourself credit. And whenever you can, remind yourself thatyou are still you — whole, worthy, and deserving of care and dignity every step of the way.
The IVF Positivity Planner was created to help you reconnect with yourself and your emotional wellbeing throughout your treatment.
It gives you practical tools, space to process your emotions, and prompts to help you feel calmer and more confident — even on the hardest days.
You can find out more here or reach out to me directly if you’d like to chat about how it can support you through your journey.
Infertility. Baby loss. Grief. Anxiety. Relationship breakdowns. Health concerns. Care responsibilities. There are so many things people carry quietly while showing up and doing their best.